Teen age is a confusing time, a time where you think you should be doing things, but in actuality it’s a time to search. Having completed the social ordeal of the board examinations with a fairly good stamp, and having selfishly accepted the attention from parents, relatives and neighbors, I stepped out of the cocoon in the little town of virgin Mussoorie to take on the world. New Delhi was my next destination. But even with so many “victories” behind me and a bright future ahead, I felt like an impecunious wretched without any direction, without any purpose. The routine academics, routine college tomfoolery and ballyhoo, discotheques, comfortable procrastinations were getting the better of me. A whirlpool of confusion, hurricane of angst was growing within. My friends had been noticing a marked change in my behavior off late; I am guessing it showed in my eyes.
The loud music was resounding in my ears, and like any other confused teenager, I too had taken to the so called therapeutic support of liquid courage. Sunita, Jags, Soraab and Lina had taken me to a dance club somewhere in Noida for my birthday celebration one day prior to New Year’s Eve. Sunita noticed something strange and blurted, “Hey Anup what the hell is wrong with you? It’s your birthday honey and we are here to celebrate it, and you seem to be just not here.” She must have noticed me playing with the alcohol in the crystal glass I was holding in my hand. Everyone looked at me, all of a sudden and so did I, and it must have been the most silent silence, even in that blaring room. “Huh!” I exasperatedly sighed, rose up from the comfortable couch and headed to the door. “What’s the matter with him?” shouted Lina. “I don’t care what he does, I just hope he better help me move tomorrow or I am not letting those 2000 rupees he borrowed from Me, go.” said Soraab. I looked at him with disgust poured whatever alcohol I had in my glass to the floor, threw the glass to the ground and left the place. The shards of that glass hurt all, including me.
The night, right before my birthday was the longest night ever, the alcohol danced in my head along with the guilt of spoiling my closest friends’ mood on my birthday eve mixed with the existential angst. I could not sleep properly and the next day was going to go helping Soraab move, from his apartment in Janakpuri to Karol Bagh. “ Huh, everyone has something better happening and look at me, stagnant, underprivileged and nothing good, no girlfriend, no money and no life” I said to myself loud and wept. That’s how another year of my worthless existence had flown by that night.
Woken up by the incessant polyphonic tone of my old cellular phone and honking in the neighborhood, I quickly went to the bathroom. My face looked pale, without hope or energy. I brushed my teeth, shaved and showered and thought about what I asked God the last day (usually my practice to go to the temple on my birthday). I stepped out of the shower, took out my clothes from the closet only to find them crushed, the strap of my watch was also broken and apparently there was no green paper in my wallet. Having gotten used to the disappointment I stepped down of my apartment to find Sorab waiting for me in his brand new car he had bought some time back. He had fitted every item on the passenger seat and the back only leaving a cramped space right behind the driver’s seat. “All set for the day buddy?” said Soraab in a very nice way, but I could only hear it as condescension.
We drove for about an hour on the Ring Road, dodging traffic and even worse, the “mamas” or else this move would appear as a burglary, because of the punks in the car. Both of us had rolled our respective windows down because there was enough of recycled air inside, I was lost in my own angst and he was listening to his music. In this drab moment I was unaware that the events of the next few minutes would completely change my perspective on life, make me more humble, more forgiving and appreciative of what has been already bestowed on me by HIM.
When I was all engrossed in these unappreciative, mundane thoughts, Soraab stopped suddenly to a halt, the traffic had finally caught us in its grip. Looking out of my window, I saw a sea of cars idling with an irritating hum, but I was so engrossed in my thoughts that I did not even notice the polluted air outside. All of a sudden I saw a car which had stopped a little offset to ours. In the passenger side sat a beautiful young damsel with the fairest of skins, and a beatific placidity on her face. I brightened all of a sudden. I could not entirely see her face as her pitch black hair was covering it slightly. Then the traffic moved a little, and I was constantly hoping that our car would stop along side hers at the next signal too. It did. I could see her even better, her eyes were sharp, her skin was glowing and a slight breeze was blowing a single lock of her smooth hair off of her forehead. The person sitting next to her stayed calm, I guess it was her driver. She noticed me; I smiled at her and was honored by her smile back. She had the most angelic face I have ever seen, till date. Our gaze was interrupted by something shining into my eyes; it was Soraab, shining his watch on the rearview mirror to get my attention. Irritated to have been interrupted I looked at him in the mirror, he signaled, in our own male codes, to go talk to her. I did not want to break that moment, so again focused my gaze on her. She smiled again and nodded her head as if to say NO! I smiled back giving her an indication that I was spellbound. The moment broke, and the cars started moving again.
This was the third consecutive traffic signal we were meeting; I knew that this was a divine signal of some kind, just did not know that this was the last time I would be seeing her. I mustered the courage and opened my door. The distance between us was a mere fifteen feet, I wanted to leap. As I approached closer, she had tears in her eyes, she was frantically saying NO. When I was half way, her driver opened her door. My feet felt like jelly and I collapsed; my mouth wide open and a sea of tears just overflowed from my hazy eyes…
The most beautiful girl I had ever seen, had no arms and legs, but she smiled like God.
Maybe… she was God, wanting to tell me, count your blessings,
YOU ARE PRIVILEGED!
And her car left….leaving me changed forever.
